Wednesday, January 14, 2009

k-brow: somber but really all that sad

Headache brought me home drowsy and out-of-sorts. Two doses of Excedrin over 3 hours and I'm better now, and just about ready to pick up Icarus for our daily date.

P just called and is bringing me takeout from the Halekulani, where he is off amusing visiting co-workers. I was supposed to go join them for drinks, and am a little sad about missing sunset over a mai-tai, but it's nice to have the quiet time with the dogs and knitting as well.

I found out today that in spite of the fact that I'm a tenured teacher in the district (at last!) that my head is on the chopping block. We have to cut a position from our school for budgetary reasons. And people holding the positions that we could afford to cut are all teachers with more standing in the district than me. So anyone cut out could apply for my position and bounce me out of it.


Now, in my favor are the fact that no one at my school really seems to want to teach 5th grade, and I've been doing it this year with relative cheer and success. I could see where it could be a ghastly job, given the right (wrong) mix of parents/kids/teacher chemistry. I've been lucky, and the job's been fairly enjoyable. So I'm hopeful that I don't get bumped out. I mean, I want to be the one who chooses to leave, if I leave this job.

And y'know, honestly...I was going to look at postings and openings in other schools anyway. I don't LOVE my school; often I wonder if there's not a better fit for me out there, and I'm always looking to reduce my commute. So I'm throwing this one up to the Universe and trusting in the Right Thing to happen.

And I'm gonna update my resume.

It's been awhile since I've updated on Cricket. He did really well with the dogsitter while we were gone in December. Both dogs did, and I know it was probably harder on Crick, because of the whole separation anxiety and suspiciousness of strangers thing. Dogsitter says she can see a difference in his behavior over the past year, and that he's far better and less anxious than he used to be. I have stopped taking training classes with him, and have concentrated on keeping his threshhold for stress and excitement low. His dog aggression is unimproved, and I think I've faced up to the reality that this is Who He Is, and that he'll never be the social butterfly, the party dog, the agility dog that would follow Ella. I'm okay with that now. It took a long time and a lot of tears to get here. I think I kinda had to divorce myself from the dog training community, in regards to him, to "get it." I love him, and have learned so much from raising him. I kinda see now that Ella is the dog who brought me out into the world, and taught me all about participation, competition and training in established patterns, and that now, Cricket is the dog who is holding up a mirror and asking me to take a long look and listen to my own gut and heart and instinct about what is right for him. I can manage his aggression, control his environment, and enjoy his companionship, as he is a stellar dog to live with, as long as we don't meet up with strange dogs on the street or at the beach.

I believe, as does his breeder, with whom I've had many very frank conversations about Nature, Nurture and Why He Is How He Is, that he is in the right home, and that we're doing right by him. The perfect storm of conditions to make a dog go wrong were in place before we really recognized them, and to use a Battlestar Galactica expression, Cricket's "line has been boxed," ie: other dogs have been bred from that line of dogs (too many temperament problems) and all resulting progeny have been spayed or neutered.

Time for some chamomile tea and giving Icarus some love.


Opal said...

wow. all i've been hearing is how teachers are still safe. so i'm really surprised to hear that you're in jeopardy. i think you've got the right attitude though! trust in the universe! (and update that resume.)

as for cricket, he sounds a bit like scheyer. he'll never be a cuddly lap cat, he does like to nip at me with his sharp sharp teeth, but i love him just as he is.

Reya Mellicker said...

With you head on the chopping block, no wonder it aches!

Sending loving energy in your direction.

Acornbud said...

Icarus is making progress...can't wait to see here in all her glory! Sucks about the the job, but as you say, leave it to the universe.
It's amazing what Mr. Cricket has taught you.

Michelle Schwengel said...

i very much appreciate your words about what master cricket has shown you. miss caper seems to have told/taught me similar things during the time we've had her, especially when we really reflected upon things after losing magritte. crix definitely is in the right household.

your notes about resume updates reminded me to work on mine as well...not that i'm looking for anything anytime soon, but dont' want to let anything slip through the cracks.

will we see icarus tonight?