dispatch from the clamcave

Cricket, doing what I'd like to do for the next 2 months straight...
Sticking my nose in here, because I was reminded by dear Chelsea that it's been over a month since I posted. Thanks for caring enough to check in on me, hon, and I assure you, I'm fine, just in my usual December funk. We won't even talk about November, which wasn't bad, all in all. But December? It's triggering a litany of whines about things that are plaguing me.

I got the Swine Flu, about 10 days before Thanksgiving. Spectacularly sick... what I thought was mere allergy turned into an overnight 102.5 fever, and screaming sore throat and coughing. After that came general nausea, that I think was kind of a reaction to the Tamiflu, which, nevertheless, is a wonder drug. It took a good 10 days for this thing to really run its course, during which I lived on soup and kiwi fruit, slept more than I ever thought possible, and knit not at all. I feel all behind now, in spite of the fact that I'm not on any kind of serious schedule in my life; it just feels like I've lost some time, somehow.

Knitting...I swatched for the Central Park Hoodie, out of lust and curiosity, in Cascade Ecological Wool. Before I knew it, I'd knit an entire sleeve!! Seriously, folks, #9 needles, plump worsted in a soothing chocolatey color and an easy-easy cable can be so hypnotic! I've put it all up on a high shelf now, to marinate while I finish that suddenly abandoned Swallowtail Shawl, and Pinky, which is the new name for Ariann, and some other Christmas knitting, which cannot really be discussed here, just yet. Pinky has a sleeve completed, and one more to go, and Swallowtail...just starting the nupps part. Fun! I had to rip a little, as I was knitting too tightly. V-ron had warned me that I wanted to do the YO's loosely, and she wasn't kidding! So I hope I'm on the right track now. We'll see, later this evening if I've done it right...

I wouldn't be true to my blogging self if I didn't mention that the Seasonal Affective Disorder is kicking my ass this year. The combined darkness and cold (relatively speaking - 40's - 50's aren't REALLY cold) plus the rain, plus the fa-la-la commercial Christmas season with its lights and spend-spend mentality are really making me just want to crawl into bed and sleep til about mid-February. Hell, I'd even settle for mid-January...ugh. This, and the impending anniversary of my dad's death, just makes me sad. Using the usual remedies, plus trying to maintain an at-home yoga practice, and hanging in there, but seriously, let's just finish out 2009!!

I managed to hammer out a decent workspace in my office-cum-store room, and my sis and I named it The Clamcave, as a play on the term "mancave." It is cozy, and quite possibly, the warmest room in the house, mostly because of its cavelike structure, and extremely low ceiling. It's still housing the camping equipment, and most of P's library (what's wrong with this picture?) as well as all my teaching stuff, but there's a bit of room for a daybed, an iHome stereo, and my stash, and its got a little window that gets evening sun. Amazing how fast it gets messy, mostly due to the small space, which should be a big space, but see aforementioned storage capacity...

I've had a couple of interviews at a very highfalutin' private school, for a position that I'm not at all sure I want, at this point. I have to go in next week and teach a sample lesson, which would normally have me in a complete tailspin, but I'm not convinced that I'm a match for this school, so I'm not exactly fretting over it. P says he heard through his work grapevine that the parents at this particular institution are a nuisance. It could go any way, I think. I could, in the process of teaching the lesson, fall in love with the kids, and being back in the classroom, at such a fabulous place, or I could further convince myself that a low-key teacher from the trenches and ghettos of public schooldom is no match for the rarefied atmosphere of elite education.

I want money. To buy new hiking boots, to take a road trip to visit Lauriedarlin', to indulge my taste for Malabrigo without counting pennies. To show myself a good time, and to pump up my sad little savings account. But I'm just not sure I want the hassles and the pressure of this fishbowl job. Arrrrgh, between a rock and a hard place.

The Hawaii house finally sold, for real and true. Nice to have that second mortgage out of the way! We did not lose our shirts over it, and can now think about scheduling a kitchen remodel, new hardwood floors, and building a shed for this place, over a 5 year plan. The shed will come first. Mokihana had asked me, some time ago, if I missed Hawaii at all, and the answer is yes, decidedly so. I do not regret the decision to move back to the mainland; but I miss the beauty, the warmth, the incredible light that comes in a place that's so surrounded by sea and sky. I find it almost painful to look at pictures I took, there, sometimes. I keep thinking, when I feel especially stuck or SAD, that "an hour on the beach could cure this." I miss my friends, the flowers, the pidgin, the food. I miss how much of my life took place outdoors, there. Cooking, eating, leisure time. I think I spend a fair amount of time outside here, even in less than perfect weather, but it does not compare, even a little bit! I miss the aloha, even though Georgia is not without its version of aloha spirit.

On a happy note, today was beautiful. High 60's, breezy (in a way that Georgians called "high winds") and sunny. The SAD was chased back for awhile, and I went outside and planted the remainder of my bulbs, and walked around the woods with my dogs, who made much ado over a dead squirrel they found. I stripped ivy off trees and knitted on a stealth malabrigo project out on the picnic table. I watched juncos and wrens scuffle around in the leaves, and ate leftover Indian food. The balm for December...